The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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