i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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