You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
