Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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