Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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