theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
