He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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