Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
