How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
