the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's shark week go big or go home
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
