i think i have two assholes
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
