I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
