Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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