Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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