Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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