I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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