We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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