you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
