i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
