dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
