please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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