How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
