new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
