You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
