oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
