Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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