Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
