I am puke
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
