some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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