i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
