Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
