Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize
