Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
