With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
