i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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