I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
