not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
