I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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