That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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