I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
