She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Who put my cat in the fridge?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
