Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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