Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
