You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
