I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
