I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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