Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Text me some of your sweat
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