What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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