Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
