your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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